Have you ever tried to navigate through “Engagement Ring Commercial Season” with a boyfriend, when your sole hobby/activity is watching TV?

We probably see 10 commercials a day. Each time we both stare at the tv and make no noises or probably even blink. I blink. I don’t know what he does.

Occasionally, on the chance that the jewelry in question is so goddamn-hideous that I cannot control myself, I blurt out “My god, that is ugly. Do not ever.”

I always want to like, chuckle or wink, but I’m too terrified of the backlash. I wholeheartedly believe that it shouldn’t just be his decision, but me pressuring him during Modern Family all because Joe-good-looking decided to propose to his girlfriend on the beach during a gentle (and apparently warm) snow seems unfair.

If I’ve had any sort of alcohol, I might make a comment like “oh, I really like that!” Offhandedly, mostly to that “Forevermark” commercial with the pretty halo diamond necklace. It isn’t a ring, so I feel like I can get away with that.

I even had a dream this weekend that I was trying to pick out a ring online but there were hundreds of categories that I had to narrow down, and I couldn’t understand what any of them meant. I didn’t want to pick something wrong and then be stuck with it, so I just shut down.

Dream anxiety.

I can’t even imagine the little nightmares going on inside HIS head, if I, who has studied the “Ring Education” section of Bluenile.com very extensively, can’t make sense of what these numbers and letters mean.

There are already 2 boxes under the tree with my name on them, both roughly the size of shoe boxes (actually, I know they are shoe boxes because I had to make B unwrap/rewrap one because I needed to return the shoes). Unless he bought the whole damn store, I doubt there’s a ring in one of them.

When I was a kid, I once unwrapped a present for myself and then rewrapped it so my mom wouldn’t know. I totally loved that purple Kaboodle case. I’m SO glad I found out what it was 2 weeks early.

I will not snoop. I will not snoop. I will not snoop…

I haven’t posted anything original on here in awhile, half because I started a new, more public blog and also because, hello, Laziness. With a capital L.

This past weekend, we crossed a very big milestone: Thanksgiving at B’s house.

I felt a little out of place/lost since his family is pretty big (much bigger than mine). Everyone was catching up and chatting and talking about people I didn’t know. No one really asked me about myself, which was okay. It’s hard to explain my job without getting boring, and I don’t really do a whole lot else, so I mostly kept to myself and took it all in. I CAN be a quiet observer when I want to, thanks.

By 10pm on Thursday, I was exhausted from all the shuffling around and loud talking and was just looking forward to going home to bed. 

B’s aunt had a baby in May, and she was putting her down to sleep when we were leaving. We snuck in to say goodbye. As we were walking back downstairs, she stops and says “Being a mom is SO great. But do not let them pressure you. WAIT. You’ll appreciate it so much more. You have so much time.”

The whole day while everyone was playing with the baby, I just kept seeing myself in her place and thinking “We are next.” The way she stopped me to tell me not to worry was a really sweet gesture. She’s only 8 or 9 years older than me, and by far the baby of her family. I think she really understood what I was feeling - stuck in that weird space of a confused and awkward mid-20-something who isn’t quite a full-fledged adult yet. 

On the note of adulthood, all of you who had Thanksgiving 2012 in the Engagement Pool were wrong. Thanks for the misplaced over-confidence. While I am certainly not ready to pop out an offspring, I’m desperately waiting for that shiny diamond ring.

Milestone #1: passed.